Utter Desiness: Hindu hand job Edition

My ongoing "public service" to desi news-deprived desis & desiphiles everywhere. Any resemblance to respectable, factual reporting is totally unintentional.

So the Puri Shankaracharya, Swami Nischalananda Saraswati, is offended by the use of the phrase "Apna haath Jagannath" (literal translation = my own hand is God, unstated intent = and will take care of my pleasuring needs) in the movie Kaminey.  The line appears in a poster next to a scantily clad woman, in a poster on a bathroom door.

While the rest of us Hindus were off eating beef, bedding Muslims and such... this selfless philanthrope had a complaint filed under Section 295A of the IPC for hurting our religious sentiments.

Some questions come to mind..

• For a man who is supposed to be sequestered from all worldly banalities and pleasures, how did he know about this oh-so-carnal colloquialism? Apparently a devotee downloaded the offending frame on his cellphone and showed it to him.  Just think about how that conversation went down...Swamiji check this out! (as I'm sure he did)...uh I mean swamiji please read the sentence here...
• If he is offended by the use of the name of Jagannath...isn't the metaphor really a huge compliment? And if anything a fantastic, if somewhat hyperbolic, ad for pleasure derived from faith-based activities?
  
• And since when did Hinduism take on the Catholic agenda of semen conservation? One would have thought at 800 million+ and counting, Hindu men would have proven that they can waste their oats as proficiently as they sow them...

Some context to better understand his beef (ha!) with the whole issue...a sampling of various headlines where "Swamiji" was featured in the past few years...

• June 18 2009: Puri Seer lashes out at PM-Sonia, supports Orissa Bandh... Priceless quote - "I am not fear for my life but I am worry for the survival of Hindu society and its culture"
• Jan 14, 2006: Ban Family Planning, Abortion..he takes issue with this because it would make Hindus a minority...such incisive reasoning. 
  
• June 13, 2004: BJP's debacle was caused by divine curse...Do check out the article for pearls like - BJP's downfall was because they "ditched Hindus" and did not build the Ram mandir.  Also he is in favor of sati and against love marriages.
  
• July 31, 2000: Seer Pressure .. .the story covers how there are imposters claiming to be the real Slim Shady..uh Shankaracharya.  He also reconverted 70 tribals from Christianity to Hinduism and declared that women had no right to recite the vedas.  
  

So yes he comes off as having an insular, self-serving, political agenda that's rooted in the Dark Ages... and that's among his more endearing traits. This is certainly not a rant disparaging Hinduism or great religious leaders.  But for a man who thinks Hinduism and Hindus are coming under fire, he was quicker to pick up on a reference to masturbation in a fluffy flick than a clearly unjust attack on Hindu priests in Nepal.  

Speaking of free speech, we desis have a lot to be proud of this week.  The Gujarat HC overturned the government's ban on Jaswant's Jinnah book.  Meanwhile in the US, conservative parents are losing their minds over how a speech on education from Obama will "convert" their kids into Obamaniacs. And then of course there is Pakistan where political jokes are summarily banned.

So as I write this blog, I do so as an utterly proud desi... :)


Thanks for reading this week's edition of Utter Desiness. So much to snark about, so little time!