Utter Desiness: India's fast growing export...Offended Hindus

My ongoing "public service" to desi news-deprived desis & desiphiles everywhere. Any resemblance to respectable, factual reporting is totally unintentional.

Act I: Not-so-gratuitous 9/11 reference

DDB Brazil recently won a One Show Merit Award, got into a deep pile of crap, and then was stripped of its award for creating the ad below.  Their point was that the 2004 tsunami killed 100 times more people than 9/11.  For some reason they say the deaths occured in "2005" and that's one issue people did NOT have with the ad.  Many Americans were severely offended by the ad and it triggered a tsunami of angry comments, retractions and apologies.

Free speech and taking offense seem inextricably linked and this is not the first instance this happened and we all know it won't be the last.  So a few thoughts before I get into the desi aspect of this post.

• Free speech rocks ...yes.That means anyone with a finger or the ability to speak will type/say crap...yes (Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, and any number of non-US politicians stand testimony to this)
• In a healthy democracy - both sides should have at it.  One gets to say crap in the name of free speech and the other gets to be offended.  And this is okay as long is no killing, vandalizing, syringe stabbing etc. happen.  We do not always get that lucky.
  
• With great freedom comes great responsibility.  Just because we should be able to say, show, visualize anything doesn't necessarily mean it is a good idea. Yes I can poop in my pants...no law against it...it IS cathartic, but the aftermath stinks.
  
• Context and time matter.  9/11 is often a covered in American standup routines and there is the odd TV show or movie that makes it the central plot.  But gratuitous, self-serving use of sensitive issues is a whole other matter.  Also an accepted corollary in the US is that it is okay to make fun of your own kind, but not kosher/halaal to piss in another group's pool of pain...the N-word anyone?
• And finally - saying something to have a good laugh is okay though not everyone will think it's funny and that's fair too.  But perpetuating false information in the face of a controversy is just Reifenstahlesque.

Sorry about that preamble but was necessary for my next act.  India (among desis) is known for its non-PCness. Even today it is okay to use references like chinki, moti, bhaingi etc to point to an ethnic group or physical disability.  In that context, it pained me to see that today... offended Hindus are about as prevalent as sponsored cricketers.

Act II: India's fast growing export...Offended Hindus

Muslims are generally pegged as the group with the lowest offence threshold.  My research indicates that Hindus have been busy playing catch up, proving once more that when it comes to being jumpy and hormonal, we are all the same. So romantic! 

Here's a quick audit of various issues that have gotten some Hindu goat...another idiom that beautifully blends Hindu-Muslim iconography :)...but back to our list! The italicized snarky commentary attempts to understand the offense.

• Sep 1, 2009 - Malaysia: Hindus offended that Muslims protested a temple construction with the head of a bleeding cow. Not sure when cows became the Hindu horcrux.  We have about about two mythological cow divas in Kamadhenu and her daughter Nandhini.  Besides those two I don't see why the rest of them should not have a fair chance of landing in a spicy round of Kerala Chilli Beef.
• July 9,2009 - Spain: Burger King's ad agency uses Lakshmi sitting over a beef burger to connote "sacred" proving that they have been living in caves with no Internet.  As with the Brazilian ad, clearly this ad is not offensive locally but if you have so much as a carrier pigeon in your neighborhood you should know that there are "sacred cow" issues beyond your own zipcode!
  

• March 15, 2009 - Udupi: Hindu Activists offended by a Charlie Chaplin statue in a movie set. Less known fact: Krishna had a huge Chaplin complex as evidenced from his need for comedy and multiple lovers.  Deviously brilliant move by the Christian powers to get Krishna to convert first, so other Hindus would blindly follow.
  

• Nov 3, 2008 - Los Angeles: Heidi Klum gets Rajan Zed to fire up his inner swastika and defend Hindu honor when she dresses up as Kali for Halloween.  Kali is in fact an all powerful Goddess who can destroy everything in sight but Rajan Zed has reason to worry because anorexic German models are Kali's kryptonite. Mr.Zed with his authentically Hindu sounding last name is also mad at Sony and called for a boycott of the brand. He believes PS2 trivializes a revered Hindu deity in Hanuman: Boy Warrior by allowing players to control Hanuman's destiny when in reality that's God job. So in Hanuman we have a God so strong he can control our destiny, but so weak he can be brought down by a glitch-ridden, desi-programmed video game. I thank God for planting Mr. Zed to protect him so God can protect us...
  

• Jun 20, 2008: Some Hindus are offended by "Love Guru" (a lousy movie by any standard) and Deepak Chopra asks them to get a life.  Then said Hindus get mad at Deepak Chopra making it an offense Mobius strip. Awesomeness!
  
• Jan 15, 2008 - Chennai: Actress Shriya Saran offends Hindu culture by wearing spaghetti straps. Hindu Makkal Katchi (Hindu People's Party, or sambar-for-brains) thought this outfit offended a culture where celestial apsaras(prostitutes) are used to tempt and "service" austere sages. Please check out the strapless red bra on a clearly 38 DD apsara as two sages gawk at her.

There is a crapload of such instances ranging from mundane to sublime where folks on both sides of the Hindu/beef aisle are offended.  Hindu groups ask for a hijab ban in Kolkatta (how French of us), the beef lobby loses it with British Airways when they choose not to offer beef in-flight and Non-Hindu groups in the Caribbean are offended by a no-meat policy in temples.  


Given that we don't have a Hindu Handbook of Rules or 8.1 commandments to follow, I don't get this Hindu culture litmus test being used nowadays.  The Hinduism I know allows me to ask Krishna if his logic is watertight, then demand a second opinion from Shiva while I interrogate Brahma on why the Trinity has no female representation.


I proudly defend that strain of Hinduism and am offended by the existence of this freakishly insecure lot trying to mess with something that works fairly well. 

 So much to snark about... but one must surface for air!

 
Thanks for reading this week's edition of Utter Desiness. Please leave a comment if you'd like to add, argue, or are offended :)