My ongoing "public service" to desi news-deprived desis & desiphiles everywhere...any resemblance to respectable, factual reporting is thorougly unintentional...

Simply have to share a few instances of Desi spawned ad brilliance-

• Exhibit A (image on the right): Bharat Matrimony pimps out mother-in-law approved jasmine-wearing, idli-steaming womb-carriers while a Midday Mate sits atop so our desi bachelors can get mom-approved tail and their fantasy bunny in one strike. Think of the one on top while you (are forced to) do the one below...well played sir! Media placement was also quite brilliant, right next to the article on how sex workers in Mumbai refuse to kiss clients who look sickly enough to harbor H1N1. http://utterdesiness.blogspot.com/2009/08/lipstick-on-pigswine-flu-edition.html (Yes I just routed you to my own blog, if I wont...who will?)

• Exhibit B: A matrimonial site thought it prudent to use a 15-year old in a palanquin for their ad the "India Day Parade" in Manhattan so foreigners could see how socially progressive we really are. Incidentally even cigarette companies in India will not cast someone who IS legally younger than 25 (they might look 16 though.) Thank you matrimonial ad site for making it that much easier to explain to my American friends that we dont compulsively betroth fetuses and burn brides. To think it was tough enough to explain that an arranged marriage was'nt exactly a neanderthal set up...

Thanks for reading this week's edition of Utter Desiness. So much to snark about, so little time!

We desis do patriotic fervor phenomenally well. Bharat Bala, Aamir Khan, cricket etc often deliver like fertile Indian women. But for some completely dysfunctional reason I choose to do a Swine Flu Edition on India's 62nd birthday.

For those of you so tired of swine overkill that you avoided the news and NRIs who've managed to escape the mind-numbing onslaught of 24-hour Indian news media... here is my public service to desi news-deprived desis everywhere.


The highlights...

• Iron hand of the virus: H1N1 has Indian mobs listening to the government and taking precautionary (read common sense) hygenic measures making the virus more effective than most politicians and legislative measures in the last six decades. Now to get that virus to put an end to littering, public urination and eveteasing.
  

• Oh Pune, why all this effort to make Bihar look good: The death toll goes down by 3 on August 14th not because of an effective clamp down but because of a "local mistake" where three Pune non-H1N1 deaths were added to the tally before swab results were confirmed. This was because the district collector Dalvi told the Center who told the people keeping tabs...that this is the house that Jack Built. Yup it made about that much sense. Pune as ground zero is also supposed to have happened through a perfect storm of bureaucratic incompetence and apparently - really good weather!

• Masked pot of gold: Gottalove economics. Masks are in short supply even as the price zooms from Rs. 5 to Rs 150...sort of like how Bush grew the deficit. Making Dick Cheney look like Mother Teresa is Delhi fashion designer Akansha Reshu who spins designer masks at Rs. 500 a pop.
  

• Masks aala re: Janmashtami celebrations go on as schools are closed and Indians for the first time in their lives officially avoid crowds. Check out this group of kids wearing surgical masks as they watch the human pyramid.

• Saving the best for last!:Kamathipura shows signs of empowered Independence as sex workers refuse to kiss "leep to leep" and even "service" some clients with H1N1 hovering like a dementor. Definitely give the awesomely titled "Kiss miss for sex workers" a read for the Idiot's Guide on dupatta sex.
  

This just in...
Divine intervention? Surgical masks or just plain masks are now the norm. An anonymous expert indicated that the H1N1 pandemic is in fact an act of biological warfare by a group of fundamentalist Jains in order to gain media "share of voice" - a scene continually dominated by the Big 3 religions. The leader of the group -"Root Cause" issued this statement "We wouldnt hurt a fly even if it kills us. And the masks certainly achieve that."

Thanks for reading this week's edition of Utter Desiness. So much to write, so little time!